End of Dyson’s Writing

Recently we have been writing flashbacks. Everyone has managed to write a story that includes a flashback and they all work well.

Sadly this is the last piece of extended writing that Dyson will do this year!

Every member of the class chose a phrase or a sentence that they thought was particularly good from their writing over the last few days. They are below:

Thomas: They were as angry as a lion in his cage. Thomas describing the crowd at a football game. 

Ayisha: It was only when they were about to land, she started to complain; Shannon flumped down to her seat with power. Pulling a face at her mum, she sighed. Ayisha has described the feelings of Shannon without directly mentioning them, a really complex skill! 

Rohan: When he’s lovely, he’s a cute teddy bear. When he’s cranky, he’s like a woman crying because she lost her soulful boyfriend. When he’s angry, he’s a ravenous hyena eating flesh. Rohan introducing his character (Rohan) to his story. 

Radu: Suddenly, a crystal sad tear escaped from my eye and carefully rolled down my round and soft cheek; I just couldn’t stop it. Radu explaining how his character was sad. 

Courtney: Suddenly he got his gargantuan water gun and chased me down the bumpy slippery hill until I was out of breath! Great description Courtney!

Tilli: It was the day, the day when… Tilli’s opener to her flashback. 

Dan: Suddenly, Zaz, the crazy man, took out his daggers then… Squirt! Splat! Squelch! Dan describing Batman’s arch nemesis committing murder. 

Luke: We came third; we did really well but inside we won. Luke explaining their wonderful efforts at the cricket tournament at Horton House. 

William: Due to the fact of him driving down the longest street in the world, he had a flashback from when he was on a (four hour) high speed chase, when he was a police officer. William’s in depth description of the beginning of his flashback. 

Jack: Don’t mention it to him. A great short sentence showing how much Jack hates football. 

Tianna: She was walking through a forest, it was lovely, there were flowers, little reindeer, butterflies and bees, they were beautiful. A lovely description of the forest! 

Jamie: Then he went home and sat on his bed with no friends by his side. Jamie summarising his story well by explaining how the main character had lost all of his friends. 

Cynthia: As we re-welcomed ourselves back into the present day, we felt sad and emotional. Really emotional. A lovely transition from flashback to present day! Great description of the emotion too. 

Dzesmina: After the competition had finished, we went back home and we had a surprise. Some clear description from Dzesmina. 

Celina: I could feel a dark chill down my back, then I knew something was calling me from the shadows. Really good description from Celina! Very spooky. 

Tyla: To be added. 

Lily: A waterfall came from my right eye, the same as my left. Lovely description of the emotion by Lily!

Evie: Greeted by Michael’s music, face planted on her Michael pillow, tears came flying down the soft, fine skin on her rosy cheek, which sit above a wonderfully defined jawline. Evie’s great description of not only her character’s emotion, but her appearance too! 

Paris: Before I could cuddle Ivory to death, she gave one last yowl to end this sorrowful story, and I gave one last tear to end this painful paragraph. Really good description of emotion and linking it well to the progression of the story. 

Alicia: Although the volume of the emotion ascended hurriedly, rushing to flood, Jessie’s ‘guardians’ did not even sense the anxiety. Really good description of how Jessie’s foster parents did not care for her whatsoever. 

Kevin: People started to back away, even his own hair retreated. Brilliant emphasis on how, “everyone was staring at him with bewildering thoughts in their head”. 

Kansi: He saw himself. Laying in pain, screaming in pain. Neymar reliving his injury against Colombia. Written with good short sentences for effect and a good repeated adverbial phrase! 

Lucy: After a while it came to her, today was the last day of the innocent Year 5. Goodbye Mr Prosser, goodbye class mates and last, but not least, goodbye freedom! Lucy’s story contained flashbacks from the events of Year 5. This emotional piece worked really well as her story drew to a close. 

Overall, this is only a snippet of their writing… Everyone has done sensationally over the whole year; everyone’s writing has improved vastly! The best thing is that all of the work written recently continues with this high quality.

 

5 thoughts on “End of Dyson’s Writing

  1. I am really bugged about that fact that you missed the o in “took” making it appear as “tok”(On Dan’s sentence)

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